Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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