It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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