she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
