The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
