i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
