there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
