So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
