in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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