help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
