ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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