Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
