I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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