one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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