Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
