He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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