Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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