I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
