If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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