hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
