Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
