He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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