Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
