The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
