just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
