his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
