dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
