She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
