I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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