Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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