Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
