That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
