i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
