I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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