I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
