Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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