you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
