OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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