I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
