Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
