So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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