Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
