i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
