We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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