Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
