the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
