shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
