your parents love me but you hate me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
