He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
