she was so not down for the gang bang
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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