WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
