he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
