cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
