i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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