i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
