I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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